Tales from the Customers

I shouldn’t always blame customers of posing dumb questions as illustrated in my previous blog entry.

Also tech support can be rather … challenged… Sometimes the light is on but no one is home… A few stories (from other people btw):

  • Customer: “Hi, I can’t seem to connect you guys are you having a problem?”
    Tech Support: “Well sir, what dialup software are you using?”
    Customer: “The one you provided.”
    Tech Support: “And what version is it?”
    Customer: (says the version number)
    Tech Support: “Oh, that’s the problem you need the latest version.”
    Customer: “Ok, how do I get it?”
    Tech Support: “Well, just transfer the file via FTP.”
    Customer: “Well that would be nice, but I can’t connect to the Internet.”
    Tech Support: (sounding exasperated) “I told you just to FTP the file sir.”
  • I overheard a tech support representative on the phone with someone:

    Tech Support: “Press your backslash key. Oh, you don’t know the backslash? Do the normal backslash…but the one that goes the other way.”

    Isn’t the “backslash that goes the other way” called a “forward slash”? Even after telling her it was called a forward slash, I still hear her telling people to “press teh backslash that goes the other way.”

  • Customer: “My laptop won’t boot.”
    Tech Support: “Have you tried rebooting?”
    Customer: “I can’t reboot, because it doesn’t boot in the first place.”
    Tech Support: “Sir, we have to do things my way, okay?”
  • Customer: “Internet Explorer insists on opening everything I try to download with Quicktime.”
    Tech Support: “Ok.”
    Customer: “So whenever I click on anything that I want to download it tries to open it with Quicktime.”
    Tech Support: “Are you sure that its not a Quicktime file?”
    Customer: “No it’s an exe file.”
    Tech Support: “So it’s not a Quicktime file?”
    Customer: “No, and I can’t right click either, to do a Save Target As.”
    Tech Support: “Oh, but you’re sure it’s not a Quicktime file, right?”
    Customer: “Yes, it is an executable file, DOT E X E, not DOT M O V.”
    Tech Support: “Is it a .exe that can be opened in Quicktime?”
  • Customer: “The computer boots up without any warning beeps, but nothing shows up on the screen.”
    Tech Support: “Is the monitor connected.”
    Customer: “Yes, but there is no display.”
    Tech Support: “Did you install the drivers for the VGA card?”
    Customer: “How can I install them before I’m in DOS?”
    Tech Support: “You have to install the drivers first before you can get a display.”
    Customer: “You don’t need VGA drivers to boot to DOS like you do for Windows. I should be able to boot to DOS.”
    Tech Support: “Well, insert the floppy you received with your card. Go to the A:\Utilities directory. Type ‘readme.com’.”
    Customer: “I cannot see anything. How do you expect me to read a file on the screen?”
    Tech Support: “Read the file, and it will explain everything.”
  • Me: “I’m trying to access the University’s network from my computer in my dorm room. Can you help me?”
    Help Desk: “Which lab are you in?”
    Me: “I’m not in a lab. I’m in my room.”
    Help Desk: “Then you’re not on the network.”
    Me: “But I want to connect over the phone line. What number do I need to dial?”
    Help Desk: “You need to call [phone number of help desk].”
    Me: “No, that’s your phone number. I need a dial-up number for the computer.”
    Help Desk: “I don’t understand. What are you trying to do?”
    Me: “I want to connect my computer to the school’s network through the dial-up.”
    Help Desk: “Why don’t you use a computer in the lab?”
    Me: “That would defeat the purpose of having a computer in my room.”
    Help Desk: “Well, your computer is not connected to the school network.”
    Me: “I know! I want to use my modem to connect.”
    Help Desk: “What’s a modem?”
    Me: “Never mind.”
  • Me: “I was thinking of installing Linux, but I was wondering if you knew if the modem works under Linux.”
    Tech Support: “Oh, I’m sorry, we only support Windows.”
    Me: “I know. I was just wondering if you knew if it was possible.”
    Tech Support: “But we only support Windows.”
    Me: “I know, but just to save me some time, have you heard of anyone that got Linux to work with the modem?”
    Tech Support: (getting annoyed) “Why can’t you just use Netscape?”
    Me: “Uh, wha? It’s not a browser, it’s a–never mind. Thanks for your help.”
  • Me: “Hi, I have a problem with my left speaker, no sound is coming out of it.”
    Tech Support: “Have you adjusted the balance in the volume properties?”
    Me: “Yes, it’s definitely not that, and it’s not a sound card or connection problem either. Could you just send me some new speakers? It’s still under warranty.”
    Tech Support: “Errrm, ok, I want you to go to DOS and type ‘format c:’ and then restore your hard disk from the master CD.”
    Me: (click)
  • Customer: “I want to buy this computer, but I’m a little concerned that I’m getting so many error messages. Is that common with this machine?”
    Tech Support: “Well, we have to reformat the hard disk and reinstall the software every day. That’s normal.”
    Customer: “Wait, wait, wait. You’re saying that I will have to reinstall Windows every single time I use the computer?!?”
    Tech Support: “When it has errors, ma’am, that’s the only way to get rid of them.”
  • Customer: “I seem to have lost my IP address can you tell me what it is?”
    Tech Support: “Just a minute, I’ll check.” (pause) “You’re using Win95 aren’t you? It’s a bit complicated. Click on Start.”
    Customer: “Ok, I don’t need to do that–”
    Tech Support: “Please do it my way, click on Start.”
    Customer: “Ok.”
    Tech Support: “Now click on Settings…Control Panel…Networks…TCP/IP…and now on Protocols, and there you are.”
    Customer: “Yes, that’s where I was when I called you.”
    Tech Support: “Well why call me? That’s where your IP address is, right in front of you.”
    Customer: “Well, that’s where it should be, but mine’s all blank.”
    Tech Support: “Well, what do you want me to do?”
    Customer: “Can you tell me what it is?”
    Tech Support: “Of course, just a second…why didn’t you ask me that in the first place?”
  • Tech Support: “What number are you dialing in to?”
    Me: “I’m not dialing in. I’m using telnet.”
    Tech Support: “Yes, but what number are you calling?”
    Me: “You don’t understand, I’m not dialing in to your modem pool. I’m telneting to you.”
    Tech Support: “Please tell me what number you are dialing.”
    Me: “Fine. (number)”
    Tech Support: “That’s not one of our numbers!”
    Me: “Of course it’s not. I’m using A TELNET UTILITY to reach you over the Internet.”
    Tech Support: “But how are you connecting to the Internet?”
    Me: “Though a different ISP!”
    Tech Support: “Then we can’t help you!”
    Me: “Listen, I am connecting to you via telnet. It’s a utility that allows me to connect to your UNIX shell from a remote location WITHOUT USING A PHONE LINE.”
    Tech Support: (incredulous) “So, you’re using a cable modem or something?”
    Me: (figuring it was just easier to say yes) “Yes.”
    Tech Support: “Um, we don’t support UNIX.”
    Me: “I’m not using UNIX. You are.”
    Tech Support: “I’m using Windows.”
    Me: “No, your SERVERS are UNIX based.”
    Tech Support: “I don’t think I can help you.”

No.. I sadly enough, ain’t making this up..


2 thoughts on “Tales from the Customers

  1. Hahaha!!! this is sooo funny! My partner is an IT and she always tell me the booo boos from clients. Im too excited to share this with her :)

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