Tales from the Techs
I already told you what to do when you call tech support. But there are some other things I would like to tell you about this subject.
Specially because of how you feel if you need to call tech support. Most people feel rather dumb and ignorant when they have to ask for help on the phone. But I’m telling you… there is no need for that.
I got a few stories from someone, of tech people helping out customers. If you really feel bad about calling for some random computer problem. Read this and you’ll feel a hell of a lot better..
- A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was “running it under Windows.” The woman then responded, “No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine.”
- Tech Support: “OK Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.”
Customer: “I don’t have a ‘P’.”
Tech Support: “On your keyboard, Bob.”
Customer: “What do you mean?”
Tech Support: “‘P’ on your keyboard, Bob.”
Customer: “I’m not going to do that!”
- Customer: “My computer crashed!”
Tech Support: “It crashed?”
Customer: “Yeah, it won’t let me play my game.”
Tech Support: “All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot.”
Customer: “No, it didn’t crash — it crashed.”
Tech Support: “Huh?”
Customer: “I crashed my game. That’s what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn’t work.”
Tech Support: “Click on ‘File,’ then ‘New Game.'”
Customer: [pause] “Wow! How’d you learn how to do that?”
- “I know you’ll think I’m crazy, but Elvis keeps crashing my computer,” this user tells help desk. And she’s right – when she takes a CD-ROM out of the drive, Elvis starts singing. It was finally figured out: Apparently, she put an Elvis CD in the drive on top of another CD, and it got stuck on the plunger of the CD-ROM drive. When she took out a CD, Auto-run would start the audio CD (stuck on the plunger), and Elvis started singing!
- Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is.
- One of our servers crashed. I was watching our new system administrator trying to restore it. He inserted a CD and needed to type a path name to a directory named “i386.” He started to type it and paused, asking me “Where’s the key for that line thing?” I asked what he was talking about, and he said, “You know, that one that looks like an upside down exclamation mark.” I replied, “You mean the letter i?” and he said, “Yeah, that’s it!”
- A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was “bad and an invalid.” The tech explained that the computer’s “bad command” and “invalid” responses shouldn’t be taken personally.
- Tech Support: “How can I help you ma’am?”
Customer: “You had better help me!”
Tech Support: “That’s why they pay me!”
Customer: “Don’t get smart with me!”
Tech Support: “Of course, ma’am, how can I help you?”
Customer: “Well, I’ve been waiting for quite some time!”
Tech Support: “Yes ma’am, our current wait is about twenty minutes. It usually isn’t that bad.”
Customer: (yelling) “Twenty minutes! I’ve been waiting three days!”
Tech Support: “You’ve defied sleep and other bodily functions for a full 72 hours?”
- Tech Support: “Where in the building is your printer located?”
Customer: “Middle of my desk.”
Tech Support: “If I have to give someone directions, where do I tell them to go?”
Customer: “In the middle of my desk where I work.”
- Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: “I’d like a mouse mat, please.”
Salesperson: “Certainly sir, we’ve got a large variety.”
Customer: “But will they be compatible with my computer?”
Yes… some people are this dumb |———->|